I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
