Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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