Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
