so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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