you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
