Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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