Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
