Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
