the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
