Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
