i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
