my vag is so smooth its legendary
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
