Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
