I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
