anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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