I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
