nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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