but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
