She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be still, my beating vagina.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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