a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
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I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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