and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
