If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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