SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
