My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
