She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
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She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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