nut hugger
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
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Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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