I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Alive.
So much puke
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
