Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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