that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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