Pants 0. Shit 1.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
