woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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