If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
