I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
