I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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