I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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