The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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