Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
