but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
