You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize
