why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
