It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
