Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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