your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
