You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
