Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
