Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
