Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize