you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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