we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
