New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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