last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
