Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
