I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
