The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
