last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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