Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
