Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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